Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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