I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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