idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
