You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
