You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
