There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
