she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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