I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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