All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
