Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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