I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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