Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
