wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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