she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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