Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
