Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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