I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
