so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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