she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
