I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
