I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
