I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
"it" just moved
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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