I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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