Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
