i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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