he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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