plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
