i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.