If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.