I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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