she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?