You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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