well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
