call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
