you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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