what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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