This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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