my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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