Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
