you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
