So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
