Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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