the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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