Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and she was petting her beer can
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
