Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
