I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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