I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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