i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
