Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
