I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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