Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize