i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
