Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
