I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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