You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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