Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
