So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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