I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
