i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
