i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His nipple licking is glorious
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