i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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