i think i have herpe
just one?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
