Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
